he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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