I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
