dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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