Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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