i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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