He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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