I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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