listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
