billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
