my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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