my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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