this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
