nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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