I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
