I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
