The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
