please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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