1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
