Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
