I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
