2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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