I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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