Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
