sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
