I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
