Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
