I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
