Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
