my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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