just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
