Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
