there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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