Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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