Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
