I could have mohawked her pubes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
