I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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