This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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