He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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