Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
