i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
