if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
