Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
