Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
