Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
