Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
