Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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