She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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