There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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