I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
