There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
