So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
