Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
