from now on my penis is your penis
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
