I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
