I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
