Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
