so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
