My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
