I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
