Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
