My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize