and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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