When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
