Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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