Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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