That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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