When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
