she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
