none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My liver just had a heart attack.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
