WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
