I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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