if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
