Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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