we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
