I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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