I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
