I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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