under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
