She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
