what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
