There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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