Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
