dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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