his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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